Add a Caption: Emily Standing Tall

"I now present to you...the most royal...the infinitely auspicious...the indubitably unparalleled, Her Highness Princess Pink Nose."

"Oh Great Light, would that I were worthy to glimpse your luminosity."

...I am noticing that my captions are becoming increasingly overtaken with 19th century themes and language.  Please help.  Captions from any century accepted.

New, Collapsible Model

Add a Caption

There are so many ways to caption a photo like this. 

[on the part of Vespers, the gray innocent-looking one]

"Please.  Please help my wife.  She's all I've got."

"What kitty?  I don't see a kitty.  Oh this one lying here?  No, I don't know what happened to her.  I just got here."

"Uh, Jill, don't make any noise, but I think I see a figure at the window.  Someone is definitely breaking in."

[on the part of Emily, the seemingly lifeless one]

"Yup, looks like all that was wrong with this scratching post was a worn-out washer.  Let me just tighten 'er up, and you're good to go."

"Harv, go back to sleep.  You're imagining things."

"This is just about the finest scratching post carpet-cover I've ever seen.  Just feel that; you can tell it's the quality stuff.  Mind if I take it for a test drive?"

Victorian Emily

Emily is the quintessentially Victorian cat. Many of you know of her dainty, feminine nature, and the difficulty she has expressing unpleasant emotions. Yes, like the Victorian maidens of yore, Emily is characterized by delicacy and restraint, but also by astonishing resourcefulness and courage in times of great trial. Why, just last night, as celebratory Independence Day fireworks were being set off in our neighborhood, our household Cat Clan was faced with quite a dilemma of survival instinct. As the gun shot-like noises began, all three cats sat straight up, eyes wide, alert and ready for action. For several seconds they exchanged telegraphic glances with each other that seemed to say, “Are you going to run under the bed? Not yet? OK.  Yes, I’m thinking about it. How about now?”

In the midst of this strategic and cat-like response to danger, I was sure that Emily would be one of the first to make a dash for refuge. Just as I thought her nerves would not last another moment, she turned, and with utmost grace alighted upon the tallest shelf in the room. She did not hide. She did not cower. In that critical moment, in that crucible of self-preservation, Emily mounted atop our living room’s equivalent to the highest mountain peak. She assigned herself the brave and self-sacrificing role of Lookout; the one to sound the alarm should the frightening popping noises reveal themselves to be at hand. Thank you, Emily. Beneath your little lace collar and tiny crocheted apron beats the heart of a lion.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

This has been a busy weekend, and launching into the week I feel a little "hemmed in" by tiredness and the desire to be relaxing instead of working.  But I'll dive right in because there's always next weekend, and hey, that's how I roll.

The Training is Mutual

When my husband's father heard that we were adopting cats, he said, "You don't train cats.  Cats train you."  I remember feeling a puff of indignant pride.  I had, after all, read three cat rearing books cover to cover, and felt that I was capable--nay--equipped to establish just who would be training who.

As it turned out, I was right.  When it comes to cat rearing, I am a strict behaviorist.  In my home, cat treats are not just handed out willy-nilly.  You must scratch the scratching post to get a treat.  My felines know which surfaces they are allowed on, and which they are not, and when the line is crossed, a simple snap of the fingers serves to snap them back to reality, where they hastily dismount the tabooed surface.

However, I've come to recognize that there is truth to my father-in-law's statement as well.  When Vespers' operatic soprano fails to rouse us from our post-work day mortem to play with him, he adopts a very clever, very cunning classic conditioning routine himself.  He will approach us, wherever we are, wearing his most beguiling adorable expression.  Once he has our attention, he will engage in all the subtle bits of body language a cat uses when it most wants to be pet and cuddled.  But beware, for the moment your hand brushes his silky fur, he is off like a cannon, waiting two feet away.  Follow him, and the sequence is repeated until he has led you right to the door of the cat toy closet. There he sits perfectly still, staring up at you with round-eyed innocence, with only his lashing tail betraying his excitement.

It's OK, Vespers.  I understand.  It's the same triumph I feel when I casually pull out the grooming brush and watch you walk slowly to me, with eyes fastened on the enticing bristles.  Then I pull you down into my lap for brushing and cuddles, and really, the chance observer would not be able to tell who of the two of us is the happiest.

Cat Massages

No, this isn't where you lie down on your stomach and your cat walks all over your back (although it's niiiiice when that happens!). This is where you learn to give your cat her favorite kind of massage. I've noticed that there are different strokes for different...cats. So here's a list to begin experimenting with. Discover what your cat loves!

1. Scruff rub: Pick up the skin from your cat's scruff (the back of his neck) and stretch/rub it gently.

2. Skin massage: Cats have very loose skin so that stretches when they use their amazing flexibility. Some cats like it when you gently squeeze their skin at different points all over their body into a little fold and rub (as with the scruff rub).

3. Tissue massage: Many cats prefer this to the skin massage. For the tissue massage, gently squeeze handfuls of her back, sides, and stomach (if your kitty tolerates tummy rubs). Gentleness is key...use the light pressure you would use if rubbing a child's back.

4. Lip massage: I have never met a kitty who doesn't consider this his favorite. With one finger tip, trace a line from right next to kitty's nose, along her upper lip and around the side of her face. Cats give themselves this massage all the time when they rub the sides of their head against doorframes, furniture, legs. Cat experts say that there a pheromone is released in this area of a cat's anatomy, and rubbing their faces around their territory marks it with their scent!

*Special thanks to Vespers for posing for this pick! :p