Tips for Managing "Bossy"

Does your cat's assertiveness border on domineering? Does she bully the other animals in your household? Is he so demanding that you find yourself frustrated and annoyed?

If your answers to the Kitty Personality Quiz: Confidence (posted Sunday, Feb 1, 2009) were "(a)" or above, you might find that your kitty's personality is getting in the way of connection. Here are some tips for managing your over-confident cat.

Consistency
Your feline may seem to have a short-term memory, but when it comes to remembering how she won a battle of wills, cats have "elephant" memories. Remember that one time that you let her eat off your plate / lounge on the counter / meow until you gave her a treat? Your cat will never forget it. Keeping rules consistent minimizes behavior problems, though admittedly, not even consistency will create a kitty who always obeys all the rules. Allowing her to badger you into giving her what she wants or the relaxing rules just sets up a precident that she can win if she sticks to it long enough. Consistency, consistency, consistency!

Wear him out
My boy kitty, Vespers, is an alpha-personality. Though not pack animals like dogs, cats that live together will develop a social heirarchy. When the toys come out, Vespers becomes uncharictaristically aggressive toward Emily, my little calico. He growls when she approaches the toy, and does not mind landing on her when taking a flying leap. If I spend a good few minutes at the beginning of play giving him a good workout, he wears out a little, and that gives Emily room to participate.

Be the Alpha: Discipine
Speaking of the social heirarchy within a household, did you know that you are part of it too? Your kitty either sees you as ultimately in charge, or a submissive animal who she can boss around. Yes, you feed her, scoop her litter, and provide a home for her, but from her perspective, you may not truly be in charge.

Setting limits is essential to being recognized as the alpha-animal in the household. Are there surfaces in the house you prefer kitty not to be on? Are there behaviors that you don't find acceptable? Having a consistent (there's that word again) way to communicate "You've crossed a line!" is vital.

I know some kitty households that use a clap, hiss, or a snap of the fingers to communicate "No!". My brother in law gently taps his kitty's forehead, which startles rather than hurts her. My husband and I agreed from the outset that a sharp "No!" accompanied by a finger snap would be our consistent way to set limits with our kitties.

Unfortunately, Emily and Vespers sometimes get out of the habit of heeding our "No!" and finger snap. When that happens, it's necessary to create an unpleasant experience for them to associate with the verbal reprimand. Let me be clear: the unpleasant experience you choose for your disobedient kitty should be above all SAFE, and secondly--you guessed it, consistent.

We've chosen to spritz the offending cat with water from a spray bottle when "No!" is not enough. When we do this, we still give a sharp "No!' with finger snap, immediately followed by a spritz from the bottle (which I have hidden behind my back--stay tuned for why). After a few experiences with this sequence, our cats come to expect the spritz when they hear the "No!", and immediately amend their behavior. Even when I'm not carrying the spritz bottle, I keep my hand behind my back to give the appearance that it is there.